The Parent-Helper

To live successfully with MS, you need to possess a modicum of stubbornness.  My personal stubbornness fluctuates according to my mental state, but there is one thing that will always guarantee a surge and that is someone telling me that I can’t do something.

This is precisely what happened a few days ago.  One evening I was going through, what I call, ‘mum admin’.  One particular form on this particular day was regarding an upcoming school trip for child number 2.  The form asked a question that I’d not previously seen on a form, ‘Would you be willing to be a parent helper on this trip?’  YES!  Almost spilling my wine in my excitement, I answered affirmatively and submitted it to the school.

That night I discussed the trip with my husband, thinking he would be as thrilled as I was that I would be joining our daughter for a day of fun.  Alas, he was not as enthusiastic as I’d hoped.  You see, the trip was an outing to the Norfolk Broads to discover and learn more about nature.  It would involve a lot of walking whilst supervising a group of 7- and 8-year-olds.  “You can’t do that,” my husband said, bursting the happy little bubble that had been dancing around my head.  “Why the heck not?” I asked.  “Because of your MS!”

Urgh.  My husband knows as well as I do that I need a lot of help on days out, after all, he’s the one who usually has to do the helping.  But in telling me I couldn’t do it he’d sparked something in me.  Why should having MS stop me being able to do this? 

My Mum, equally mortified at the prospect of me going, offered her support as my carer on the day. But honestly, I was meant to be going as a helper myself, I couldn’t possibly be a helper if I needed a helper to help me be a helper, do you see what I mean?

Frustration was running high – I tried desperately to figure out a way to leave my MS at home for the day. 

In the event, my stubbornness was strong enough to quash the nagging feeling that I’d be more of a hindrance than a help.  I was going to be a parent helper on my daughter’s trip to the Broads and I couldn’t wait.  My daughter would be so happy to have me there!

The day itself didn’t start off well.  The coach was an hour late to collect us, and when we eventually boarded, my daughter spent the entire journey with her arms crossed and her brow furrowed because she was sitting next to me instead of her friends.

Once we arrived, the 60 children were divided into 4 manageable groups of 15. I was one of 3 grown-ups in our group, which included the teacher.  As we snaked our way along a path lined with nettles, I brought up the rear – naturally, I was the slowest!  Most of the path was accessible for my wheelchair and the kids seemed to take a keen interest in me and my wheels as we ambled along on one of the hottest days of the year so far. 

I had a great time learning about pollination and seed dispersal; I played along with the kids as they took part in various activities and, for the most part, I really felt that I contributed something to the day.  The difficulties arose in between the activities when we were required to migrate to different areas of the reserve.  To say that there was a lot of walking involved would be an understatement and, boy, am I glad I had my wheelchair with me; there is no way I could have survived the day without it. 

The heat, however, weakened me to the point that I couldn’t propel myself and needed the help of the other parent helper to keep me going.  The kids thought this was great fun and took it in turns to have a go at pushing me too.  I sat, playing it cool but feeling as hot as a jalapeno, as I was wheeled in all sorts of directions by little people.  My face and legs inevitably met with a variety of flora and fauna as I was enthusiastically steered in all directions, mostly into bushes.  In the end, the main teacher took charge of pushing me at the front whilst trying to discipline an unruly child and answer countless questions posed to her by the other children. 

So, I ended up being a helped helper after all.  Even so, I definitely helped to ensure the day was safe and fun.

On the return journey I made sure that I wasn’t sitting next to my daughter and enjoyed a few quiet minutes reflecting on the success of the day.  It had been utterly exhausting, overwhelmingly hot, but 100% worth it.