The Funk

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I think it’s been pretty clear to anyone who follows my blog that I’ve fallen into a deep funk over the past few months. I’ve found it difficult to find the positive words that usually come so easily to me. I’ve always been very open about my struggles with mental health in the hope that others in the same rocky boat know they are not alone; it’s vital to know that you are not alone. But if I carry on like this… where does it end?

At some point you realise that you have to pick yourself up and find a way to take back control. It isn’t easy. It takes a hell of a lot of energy and effort and a willingness to fight, which sometimes seems like the hardest thing in the world to do, but no-one else can do it for you.

I have given myself a good talking to and have begun to take the smallest of steps to climb out of this funk.

First on the agenda? Re-join the gym!

Having lost my way with fitness lately, I have made it my goal to get those endorphins back and kick some serious MS-butt.

I sensed an instant wave of relief wash over me just for filling in the online application. And a few days later, as I sat at home raring to go in my gym gear, I felt good, I felt right, I felt like me.

I began to feel like I could conquer the gym like never before – chuck in some weights, set the treadmill to full speed and watch me transform back into the sporting superhero I long to be. Of course, I wasn’t so deluded that I actually thought this was possible – I can’t even pull-off a star-jump for goodness sake! But, the enthusiasm was there and, aware that I needed to take it sloth-like slow, I entered the gym with more of a bounce in my step than I’ve had for a long ol’ time.

Seven minutes later I left the gym having proved to myself that I still have some fight left in me, I just need to take it really slow.

Forward is forward,

no matter how small the steps.

21 thoughts on “The Funk

  1. Thanks for your words. I think I’m slumping into a relapse and I know it will pass but it’s always a struggle to motivate myself. I think I will go for a swim or dunk! We are all warriors we need to keep going😊

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  2. Sorry about your funk – life has been duller without you! So easy to forget you’re not just here to provide us with wise and amusing words, but that you suffer in all the ways we do. Glad to see you back – onwards and upwards!

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    1. Thank you, your comment made me chuckle – I hope to continue being wise and amusing and honest!!

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  3. I always enjoy your posts because you often put into words my own experiences so Thank You! I too have been in a dip, fed up with fighting to stand still let alone prevent further decline. I too made it to the gym today and we must congratulate ourselves for whatever movement we made. I am also going to ‘exercise’ being kind to myself (and maybe others to!) and dwell on the can do and ignore the can’t do. I think you’re amazing. Keep going😀

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    1. Great attitude! Thank you for your comments x

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  4. Well done you a little step but forward one anyway

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  5. You go girl!! Well done for going to the gym. Hope it continues to work for you and you get some happy back. Keep looking at the positive and scream at the negative (even if it’s just in your head). Take care lovely x

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  6. Well done on your achievement. I totally understand the experience you share. I used to be a gym bunny and love it. Now I have to listen to my body in regards to what activity I do and how much. I haven’t been at my local gym for a few years. Instead I usually walk or cycle. Something is better than nothing. X

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    1. Man, exercise can do so much good for us, both mentally and physically. Thank you x

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  7. vivienne Tuckwell February 20, 2020 — 6:45 am

    Thanks for being so honest!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I totally get this! Having battled with an undiagnosed eating disorder my whole life, I noticed I had started to walk down the familiar path of not eating, which is not good while trying to battle MS. I have to have given myself a good ol’ talking to and started Pilates. And I feel GOOD! Like better than I’ve felt in a while. My mental health will always be there as a shadow in the background, but I figured if I try and get the endorphins pumping too it would help, and it has!!!

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    1. Good on you, it’s so important to recognise when you’re sliding towards!

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  9. Hi I know exactly how you feel I’ve had an awful few months emotionally and very stressful which has taken its toll during this time I didn’t get to yoga or aqua aerobics and I know it has made my mental health worse but I went back last week and I feel like a different person. I haven’t got there this week but next week I will be back. I hope you feel better soon. Xx

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    1. Thank you – enjoy your fitness, it is so important for the mind isn’t ?!

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  10. Well done. Just little bits at a time. I’m 30 years MS and still doing Little bits at a time.

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  11. As you said, Forward is Forward!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Keep fighting the good fight. You’re an inspiration to the rest of us who love to hear from you, and are rooting for you. Good luck with the gym endeavours, and remember just visually activity totally counts – science backed!!

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