When my MS symptoms first struck and I was in limbo, not knowing what the heck was going on with my body, I was desperate for the aches and tingles and numbness in my legs and feet to cease. I would lie in bed at night silently screaming for my legs to just feel NORMAL. The delay between each hospital appointment in the lead up to my diagnosis would send me loopy with frustration – ‘HURRY UP AND FIX MY LEGS,’ I would inwardly yell. Zip ahead to the day of my diagnosis, the pain and numbness was still there and, I now knew, would always be there – forever and ever and ever.
It’s a tough ol’ thing to get your head around. Was I seriously never going to feel my feet again? Were my legs always going to be this heavy and uncomfortable? In one of my early clinics with my nurse I remember asking if I would ever feel normal again, her reply? “This will become your new normal” – Urgh… I don’t want a new normal – I just want my normal to be normal!
Zip even further ahead to the present day and it mortifies me to admit this, but my nurse was right – this is my normal now. I’ve completely forgotten what it is like to feel ‘normal’ by most people’s standards. What is it like to feel light and springy and unencumbered by an invisible weight? I’ve no idea! What is it like to feel the ground beneath your feet when you walk? Not a clue! Yes, it still gets me down sometimes but, you know what? That’s ok. I’m still living an awesome life with awesome people in an awesome city.
Besides, who wants to be normal anyway? It’s way more fun being different… right?